There are a handful of people in this world who know what it feels like to be 100 lbs (or more) overweight.
I remember when I was at that weight, I’d be in a clothing store & see other women similar to my size.
We’d glance at each other & smile.
We felt safe with each other.
I had no idea what their names were, their life circumstances or where they lived.
But, we got each other.
Here’s what I knew about them & why it made me feel safe:
- This woman had a struggle in her life that was hard.
- She turned to food to help her cope with that struggle.
That small glance at each other was almost like a “she’s in the club” glance. And yet, we didn’t ever talk to each other. There was no need. We just knew.
The best word to describe the feeling of being 100 lbs overweight is SHAME.
Shame in being seen in public.
Shame in knowing I caused the weight by eating what I did.
Shame in knowing that my biggest struggle was literally being worn on my behind for all to see.
Shame of what others think about me.
Shame of not being successful in losing the weight.
Shame that I don’t look good for my partner.
Shame in showing up to the school for my kids and seeing the embarrassment on their face.
Shame of knowing that this is NOT the life I wanted.
Shame of being seen. Period.
One of the very hardest parts of it all was how others who did not know me treated me.
I was shopping at a grocery store.
I went down an aisle & stopped to look at something.
I heard some shuffling behind me.
Whispering.
Snickering.
I turned around to look at what the noise was. There was a group of 3 teenagers. They stopped talking & went silent. I turned back around.
The whispers & snickers continued.
This time they added in pig & cow noises.
I refused to look back.
Tears welled up in my eyes.
My hands started to trimble.
I left my cart full of groceries and went straight to my car without buying anything. I sat in my car & cried.
I now know that my life as a 100 lb overweight woman was difficult because I made it difficult. It was a choice I made to be miserable & feel so much shame. I chose to concentrate on the negative parts of my life.
What you focus on is where your life goes. I love this quote that explains this best.
When I dieted all those years, I “thought” that losing weight would solve all my problems. I thought my weight was the problem!!
Working on my brain helped me realize that my weight was merely a symptom of my problem.
My problem was my thoughts.
When I regularly told myself I was fat & ugly. Guess what? Nothing changed for the better.
When I regularly told myself I was a FAILURE, it certainly didn’t make me want to improve!
Those thoughts kept my life continually spiraling downhill.
I HAD TO CHANGE MY THOUGHTS FIRST!
Even as a 100 lb overweight woman, I have the choice to think the following thoughts:
I am a hard worker. (I am!)
I have beautiful eyes. (I do!)
You have a supportive husband. (I totally do!)
I am capable of figuring this out! (I am!)
I have a huge capacity to love others despite how they treat me. (I do!)
My weight does not determine my worth. (That was a hard one to think at first but it’s now real for me.)
If you are a woman trapped in a body you’re not proud of. Please listen.
You MUST change your thoughts about yourself before you change your food. THAT is the secret.
I’m giving you a big hug.